Where did FistFree Language™ come from?
It all started in early 1999 when I was asked to teach mediation skills to the youth at CYOC (Calgary Young Offender Centre) for the Peer Mediation program. Since mediation is conflict resolution, that means you’re either in the middle of a conflict or you’re mopping up after one. With this particular bunch of guys, neither is a particularly safe place to be.
Since most physical fights start with a verbal fight (argument, taunting, name-calling), I decided to teach them how to deal with verbal fights. And who better to teach this than a lawyer? Instead of teaching them how to resolve the conflict, I would teach them how to prevent the conflict from getting out of control in the first place.
I started with what conflict is all about. Why does something that I find totally irritating you don’t care about? And why can something really upset me one day but not the next? The key is found in how we “see” things, so I added how our brains process information and how our brains handle language. Add in some practical language and listening skills, and you have the basics of FistFree Language™.
It quickly became known as the course you need to take in order to make anger management work.
My own work (which involves a lot of negotiation) became easier, and I started getting positive feedback about what I was doing. And part of what I was doing was passing along the gems I had discovered when putting together FistFree Language™. Adults I taught have found that the FistFree Language™ skillset gives them the keys and the tools they need to solve the challenges they face.
In short, FistFree Language™ works.
